I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
