The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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