I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
