alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize