Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
