the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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