i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
