Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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