i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
