He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
