I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
