Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
