Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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