There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
