someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
