i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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