I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
