Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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