If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize