You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
