i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Randomize