There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
