idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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