Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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