I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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