Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
