Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
