you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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