Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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