I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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