he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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