i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
