I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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