I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
