It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
