And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
