i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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