My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
