totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
