I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
