So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize