I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
