You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think I am morally bankrupt
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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