there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
