I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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