I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
