Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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