WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
