Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
