I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
