you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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