How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
