After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
