Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
