Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
