You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
