I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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