Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
