I like to think it a success when the cops are called
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
