Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
