"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
