The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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