i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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