Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
