her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think my nap took me to another dimension
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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