I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize