the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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