I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
