He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
