so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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