Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
