My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize