i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
