so that wasnt chicken after all
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I currently don't understand fingers.
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