We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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