Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
