so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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