we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
