he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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