Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
