I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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