Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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