she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
