So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
