this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
3pm strippers are depressing
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize