i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize