I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
