The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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