I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
