I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
