peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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