I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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