if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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