AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
