at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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