At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
