Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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