Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
