She said her name was "party"
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
