She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
