Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
