Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize
