i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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