DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
