I accidentally burped into my bong.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
