Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize