We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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